Layin it out there

I have recently been having these thoughts... and i just wanted to put them out there so i can hopefully get them out of my head.

i worry about not finding someone to share my life with... i have already decided that i won't be settling for anything less than a stellar specimen of the opposite gender... after all, without sounding too cocky, i know i have a lot to offer. Sure someone can say that everyone can reassure themselves that they have a lot to offer, but im not reassuring anyone, i am stating fact. An example of this... how many guys would say that if it would make their wifey happy, they would let them put makeup on them and whatever else they wanted to... even if its a damned dress... yea, ive made that statement before. i worry about never finding someone whom i can confide in completely without fear of them taking advantage of my trust or expecting more than i can give. i worry about all the thoughts i have about how i want to treat a future wifey going to waste on nothingness. i worry that i will live a long life of loneliness. This is my greatest fear in life... not of dying, not of how i will die, not of whether i will get into medical school... but that i won't find someone to share all the fun, laughter, ups and downs, and hopefully the raising of little chitlins. perhaps its the bias of the south exerting its relentless social pressure on me for not being married by 22. i really feel like i should have grown up in yankeeland and in a big city... perhaps then i'd be in proximity to more women who share my modernistic views of how women should act and carry themselves. many people in big cities are single until their 30s and they are fine with it, maybe its the atmosphere of being content that they find themselves ok with. i wonder if all of their friends were in a "commited relationship" or married or engaged, if they would feel the same way about being happy. all this confidence i have in myself and where im going in life can sometimes cave in on me when i think about the fact that i don't date much and i don't see many people that are worth my time. those that are worth my time usually have an asshole boyfriend, or they seem ok at first, but they have a bit of an ego as a result of dating guys with no self esteem giving them everything they want.

ok... theres a lot of animosity in that and some stereotypes that aren't true... but i had to get it all out. i'll quote jon mayer: "im tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here".

Can i please get someone to remove this CEO?

Ok so here goes:
i fucking hate valentines day. ill state my bias up front and that's that ive never shared a valentine's day with a significant other so i may be partial, but i dont hate it for the obvious phrase that is sung from singledom on the bewitching day: "singles awareness day" ... no no, my line if reasoning is not as simple as that. i hate valentines day for a few reasons but first and foremost is the fact that it is sooo commercialized. really... CEOs of gift companies love it, they role in the dough as a result of people in relationships trying to give the right gift, and usually with menfolk it ends up being some kind of sparkly jewelry. have you heard the commercials around valentines day? "guys dont know what to get?... men are you tired of not knowing what to get your partner? guys if you haven't come up with anything..." its all aimed at the men... at least all the ones i heard. sure women are more emotinoally intuitive but ive heard from countless female friends that shopping for guys is hard for them too...nothing says i love you like a gift idea from a commercial... yea thats great! so... in this idea of commerciallized valentines day perhaps couples should just leave the price tags attached and let it be what it is: everybody trying to buy/make the right gift because our calenders and local businesses tell us that its time to appreciate our significant other. in the interest of continuity that brings me to my next point... being a guy's guy and not being as adept at interpreting feelings and emotions, i find it difficult to plan a perfect date... so ii take great pride in attempting to plan a great one date. really, it takes soooo much work trying to pick up on subtle hints about where she might want to go or do... its very rewarding to take a lady friend out on the town and have her enjoy herself. its one of those "trying to provide for and make happy the womenfolk" things left over from evolving mental processes. getting back to it, i really dont want someone who makes a calender influencing when i decide to take my lady out! fuck... its hard enough to plan something and make it special without bringing someone elses opinion into things... all this valentines day does is let comfy girls in relationships get hopes up about what in the hell they are going to get and then face the possibility of disappointment if its not as much or as sentimental as they were thinking. it seems that a celebration with gift giving would be better off as spur of the moment things... christmas and marriage anniversaries are the only time that people should exchange gifts at the same time. if i feel strongly enough about a woman to buy her some kind of gift, i'd much rather give it to her and make it a surprise so there is no time to EXPECT anything... because as i have quoted before from my friend kiki: expectations diminish the value of what actually happens". Again continuing into a different but related peave: when did it become a necessary thing to celebrate just one day of the year? ive taken the old lady out before and had a fantastic evening dining in a nice restaraunt or going to see a broadway show. and yes, these happened on days that were not Feb. 14. whats this? we can appreciate each others company whenever we want? wow!!! so why is it that everyone buys into this February 14th bull shit? really... who decided? why not march 7th, or april 22nd, or i dunno... any other day of the year. i guess that my problem is that emotionally immature people see as this fantastic day... thereby focusing on their expectations or creating some of what will happen for them or what they will get... that is very much a selfish mentality but it would take a grownup person to aknowledge that and dispense with the false euphoria that sweeps our nation every february.

now a few things should be obvious with this post:
1. i am not a scrooge about being appreciative of a ladyfriend in my life, on the contrary i usually am thankful for someone each time they cook for me or do something thoughtful. i just like to appreciate in my own ways, on my own time and terms
2. i am most definately going to need a more progressive/contemporary significant other... because i am clearly displaying my lack of being a fairytale/traditional male in this post
3. i have spent entirely too much time discussing the unpleasantries of 14 feb.