nancy got me thinking

saved draft from 9/23

nancy said something tonight that really hit home... she mentioned on the phone that jessica and i couldn't stand to be in the same room together. while this is probably an exaggeration, it has me thinking about how things between jessica and i have changed in the last month or so... i just miss how things were before the summer started... i wonder if they'll ever be that way again... with the way things have been... probably not but here's hoping.

just chillin

so i decided this past weekend that i want to hike the Appalachian Trail before i go to medical school... and yes, the whole thing. I'm kind of excited about it too cause i'm going to outfit myself with some updated gear since the remnants of what i used in the Boy Scouts are just not doing any good for my outdoor activities these days. I would probably start on March 1st and finish around August 1st ish. I realized tonight that with proper planning i could do the AT and come back and apply early decision to the military med school in Bethesda *snaps in coffee house manner at the thought* which if i so choosed to do, would eliminate my getting a master's degree... whatev so i'm asking around to see if anyone i know would like to join me cause it would be a journey better spent with a friend whom i could share all the ups and downs with. Itwould also cut back on costs when i would get a hotel for a night to get a shower and such. i ordered a few books on the AT online tonight. so where would my MCAT fall in all of this... well i'ld work and study all summer and next fall along with shadowing both civilian and military docs and take the MCAT sometime next fall, unless of course kiki is taking it then in which case i would move it so i wasnt in the same percentage pool as she (smart chick that one is). I'ld probably also take the survey of biochemistry class in the summer as a post-bac class... but we'll see.

but more to the present... right now i am backing up music in order to reformat my comp which i haven't done in probably 2 years... yea its slow as the oldest comp my family bought back in 1992... guess i just clicked on a few too many questionable links... :-P

fatigue

just emotionally fatigued right now... this weekend was fun. went to NC and canoed/kayaked to a ghost town. jessica and i argued the whole weekend and we both seemed to have irritated the hell out of each other yesterday in front of the group we went with. the ride back was kind of awkward because the guy next to me kept asking me what was wrong. i'm one of those people that jsut doesn't want to talk about it when i'm pissed... i like to blow off some steam first... but unfortanely being cramped in a van makes it hard to distance myself from the situation. i told jessica i needed a day or two to get stuff straight in my head. i need to organize my thoughts and figure out exactly where we are as whatever it is we have morphed into the last month or so. jessica also lost a friend to a car accident this past week... that makes me feel like shit because that's a terrible thing to go through but i don't feel like im in any position to console her or be there for her... that's about it... a very chipper post indeed!